Thanks

For all the lovely messages after my last post. I decided my stepdaughter was more important and luckily work and Uni supported me. Glad I came as I was able to give my professional and maternal opinion. Just want to make sure she gets the right support. I knew the doctor and he is good!! And they have changed her meds and thrown in an antipsychotic as she is hearing voices.
Anyway listening to the doc made me realise I probably shouldn’t have stopped my meds. So I guess I’ll be letting you know how the Seroxat goes after all!! I need to stay well.
Hubby popped to get her some stuff from home as she is safer here until meds kick in. Also going to get her boyfriend for a visit.
Can’t believe her Mum hasn’t got her ass here and just told her on the phone that she still doesn’t believe she is unwell. Ffs the kid has just been told she has a major psychiatric illness.
Boo ya. Going to treat ourselves to a meal after boyfriend been dropped home.
Laters potaters!!

Hello!!

First day back at work bombarded by people needing stuff.  Made contact with 95% of patients especially the urgent ones. Everything is ok. I’m still off meds yeah!!

Got home stepdaughter had hacked her wrist off and taken an overdose. Holy shit.  SHe is 14 goddamn it breaks my heart.  Seriously i am crying, why?

Dad gone to hospital with her.

Me upset and shaky.

Meant to be doing exam prep presentation at uni tomorrow. Thanks world.

Back to work tomorrow after one weeks annual leave and six weeks sick leave. Anxiety provoking.

Finished writing my presentation for exam prep at uni on Tuesday! yay! Seemed to take some much energy though.

Need to go to the gym as soon as possible.

Really wish my shoulder would heal so I could start running again.

Long day tomorrow so I am off to bed!!! Sweet dreams all!

Sunny Sunday!!

Well yesterday I did some work on my presentation. I’m really struggling to concentrate. The spouse cleared the jungle that is our backyard. We did a mad garden centre dash and I got lots of pretty potted plants and two sun loungers. And some butterfly lights to drape over the fence. They are solar powered and should come on this evening! Looking forward to the prettiness! Ah it’s so much nicer studying when the patio looks all lovely and I can see it from my table where I work! Stepdaughter painted one of the brick walls terracotta and the other one is going to be red to contrast.
So stepdaughter is grounded. She has apologised for lying about where she was going and seems to be trying to be extra helpful to make up for it. Thankfully she definitely isn’t pregnant and I’ve tried to talk to her about my concerns for having sex so young and not being able to emotionally hand it. She is a good kid just growing up to fast and I’ve told her to try and enjoy being a child rather than feeling she has to do all these things now. We had a good talk anyway.
At the end of the day though we will have to work with where we are at now. At 14 sex was not on my agenda but I realise it’s a different world now.
Today I got up very late.
I’m so anxious about doing this presentation on Tuesday. Ironically the [case I am presenting is about social —anxiety. Argh!!!
I think the anxiety is why I can’t concentrate. Yuck.
It’s a beautiful day and I have to finish this work but I’d rather be sat in the sun drinking chilled wine or cider. I sometimes think I’m just to much of a free spirit to live a conventional life. I should be a hippy or something. I would actually love to be able to have a very simple life. Just a nice home by the sea and my freedom. I wish there was a way to live like that. Maybe there is. Anyway enough of my rambling for now.

Friday Dramarama

Acupuncture was great. Felt really chilled after to the point I walked out of the shop not realising my husband was sat there and had come to meet me !! Haha.
Bought four new tops and husband got a couple new shirts.
Also found some Korres eye moisturiser in TK Maxx 9.99 instead of 36.99 and also got some nice skin toner :-))
Got a meal out with husband. I had a salad and then honey comb ice cream for dessert. Yum!
So was all ready to chill on the settee when the doorbell rang. Stepdaughters boyfriends Mum. So she was meant to be at a friends birthday sleepover. But he had gone missing and he his Mum had got wind they were together and planning on camping out the night. Then she said his sister had found out she had taken a pregnancy test. She is 14 he is 13. Uh oh.
So had to get dressed and go with the hubster to where we thought they were. Spotted them with a load of others walking down the road. She was smoking. Yelled at her to get in the car which she did stinking of weed
Boyfriend delivered back to his Mum. Major bollockings given. SD sent to bed. Stuff confiscated. Suitable course of action to be decided once anger has diffused.
Oh yeah I’m covered in itchy swollen insect bites from yesterday’s BBQ.
Happy Days.

Friday

Had a bit too much of a good time at the BBQ last night.

Laughed a lot. Shame husband had to leave early as SD’s boyfriend got ill and he had to check he was OK.

Well, I’m up the sun is shining and I haven’t started my work yet :-( But I have to get stuck in today.  Its like a big looming cloud.  I am just done with formal studying really.  I think having this pressure hanging over Is a big part of why I get so down.

SKIPPED THERAPY THIS MORNING.She will still charge me. Thats how it works.  I really don’t want to go any more.  Period, forget this endings process.

Got acupuncture at 4pm.  In town.  Bad planning rush hour traffic. Might take the bus.

Can’t believe I’m going to have to spend a gorgeous weekend preoccupied with studying.  Give me back my freedom.